All Bi-Bim

It’s been a whirlwind of a time. The week of the 20th the days felt long and the nights felt longer, and just when I thought I was ready to burst at the seams I suddenly experienced a change and felt I needed them to stay put for a bit. There was just too much going on with trying to get the house ready to sell on the horrendous market, finishing up the babies’ room, and thinking about some closure with College Hill. During that week I was experiencing some dizziness, headaches, and bursts of light in my vision in the mornings… which led me to see the OB to do a 24 hour urine collection. On Saturday, February 26th, when I felt that deep peace about waiting a little less than a week, after a dinner of rice and Korean curry, mom and I were in kitchen cleaning up when the phone rang around 730 pm.

I stared at it trying to decipher the caller ID with a tingling feeling in my fingers. Deep down inside, I knew as soon as I stopped worrying and wishing for their quick arrival, something would happen instead. I picked up the phone and it was Dr. Depew – the protein levels in my urine were high, she wanted me to come in to monitor the babies…”and be prepared for the possibility that we will go ahead and deliver them tonight.” That didn’t register right away – I kept asking if we should bring our overnight bags, if we should arrange for the dog to be cared for by neighbors, if I should stop eating anything, etc. She just said, “Come to the hospital now.” Andy came in during the middle of the conversation, and his eyes widened to mirror mine…so we got our bags together, and the three of us drove the 30 minutes to the hospital. I kept thinking that it would probably be a false alarm and that I wouldn’t need to worry about anything.

Long story short, they had me on the monitors, I was experiencing contractions, my blood pressure was elevated, and it looked like the twins were ready to get here. We had to wait 8 hours from the time I had dinner though so there was a long, uncomfortable delay, but at 1:50 AM mom went to the waiting room, and they wheeled me into the OR. I suddenly felt cold and anxious – shivering uncontrollably – they put the spinal in, and then I basically felt like I was going to fall asleep. I had moments of intense claustrophobia from not being able to move my legs, but before I knew it, Andy was by my side holding my hand, and a doctor said, “They’re here!”

Both were howling when they came out, and that beautiful noise cut through my anxiety and morphine induced haze. I have never felt such tangible relief and happiness. My OB exclaimed – ‘Hey! The boy just grabbed the surgical clamp in my hand!’ and both doctors were laughing. I laughed and cried. Andy went over to look at them, and then came back with the nurses who introduced me to them, and I gave each a holy kiss.

I felt like it was the first day of my life.

“Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go.” (Bright Eyes)

I surprised Andy with a small gift to celebrate the beginning of fatherhood – a scrapbook collection of letters with encouraging words from his guy friends and mentors (I’m not crafty at all so this was truly a huge a project). I included a CD with a playlist geared towards lovey-dovey stuff about this new season of life. I knew parenthood would be about being swept up in all of it, but I had no idea I’d be so head over heels.

Two songs are dedicated to the babies – For A, The Counting Crows’ “Anna Begins,” and for D, “No One’s Gonna Love You” a cover by Cee Lo:

It’s looking like a limb torn off
Or all together just taken apart
We’re reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one
is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one’s gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It’s a better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one
is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one’s gonna love you more than I do…

Welcome, oh so loved babies.